Dolphin Fantasy Football 2015: 2015

Well...Week 1 is in the books fantasy owners and if you're feeling like I do then you're going to drink until you can't remember week 1 and act like the real season starts today! Week 1 is typically fantasy preseason right? A time for owners to get "acquainted" with their players? It doesn't really count....right?

Of course it does! So congratulations to those that got their first win this week and to the rest of us 0-1 losers, we better get our shit together or it's going to be a long season! Not to mention that the side pot begins this week! Better have a pep talk with all of your players because it's time to start putting up the points! $50 to the team that scores the most points each week for the remainder of the regular season!

With all that being said let's toss the old pig skin around and recap week 1:

Latin Stallion vs Dick C Normous:

Latin Stallion decided to come racing out of the gates and put up some respectable numbers against old Dick. Led by the play of Jarvis Landry Latin's team was able to squeak out a 12 point victory, no thanks to "All Day" Adrian Peterson who mustered a pathetic 31 rushing yards....How's that #1 pick feel now Latin? Antonio Brown and the Panthers Defense showed up big for Dick but it wasn't enough to counter his Tight End putting up a goose egg!

SeanTastic vs Straight Outa Wiscomptin:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING STRAIGHT OUTA WISCOMPTIN?!?! YOU DON'T LET THE ROOKIE WIN WEEK 1!!!!!

Sorry..had to get that out....SeanTastic came out swinging this week led by the play of Keenan Allen who put up 31 points practically wiping out the Gronk advantage from Thursday night. It didn't help that Wiscomptin started Mike Evans who was INACTIVE for Sunday's game....We've got our eyes on you Wiscomptin, no more funny business!

In Moob's We Trust vs Alpha Malez:

Should we just call this team the "leagues choice?" The one player Moob's did actually draft put up a dud of a game while the team that WE drafted for him led him to victory! You're welcome Moob's....Led by the play of both A-Aron and Forte Moob's was able to enjoy the spoils of a week 1 win over Alpha Malez...I guess that 2 QB draft might not work out after all? Also a huge congratulations to Alpha Malez for putting up the lowest points of the week! Way to screw the pooch!!!

Here4Beer vs Rookie No More:

Poor Rookie....It must have been painful watching Monday nights game and not knowing if he should cheer for his real team or hope for Vernon Davis to blow his knee out so his fantasy team could get the win! Both Beer and Rookie came out strong this week putting up over 130 points each! But in the end Kelce's 28 point game just wasn't enough to overcome Brady's 35 point game and with that Beer took the win.

Runnin On E vs Cosby's Sleepers:

Apparently Runnin drank the hard knocks kool-aid and....it actually worked?!?! What the hell?! When was the last time a player featured on a season of Hard Knocks actually came through?! Well...there's a first for everything I guess...Led by the play of both Julio Jones and Deandre "I'm the #1 target while Arian Foster is hurt" Hopkins, Runnin was able to pull out the W this week. Unfortunately for Cosby the fine play of Edelman and Wright just wasn't enough to put him in the winner circle....Might want to think about upgrading that Tight End position Cosby!

Well those are all the games this week....yep....no other games were played....none at all....On to next week....Wait....Booze is wearing off...Flashbacks are occurring....There was another game....Damn...

Polk High Hero vs DirtBag's:

A 7 point lead for the Polk High Hero going into MNF wasn't enough to hold of DirtBag's as Carlos "Motherfucker" Hyde went absolute beast mode on Minnesota's defense leading DirtBag's to a decisive victory over Polk. Polk had a chance to battle it out but the 49'ers decided that throwing the god damn ball to Anquan Boldin wasn't a good idea....Nope...Not bitter at all! Polk came damn close to putting up the lowest score this week so it might be time to blow that roster up and start over! Clearly his studs are looking like duds!

Well folks, that's all the time we have this week as we press on to week 2! Make sure to play the waivers as there are some real gems out there to pick up and also remember that we've got a Thursday night game this week between Denver and Kansas City so try not to blow your load too early!

Yours Truly,

Your Co-Commish - Polk High Hero

After 7 months of waiting for this day...

some of us salivating with the promise to quell the hunger for men in tight pants tackling each other over a 57,600 sq. ft. green natural or artificial grass field chasing a piece of pig leather and slapping each other's rear ends...

YES LATIN STALLION I MEAN YOU